What are you living for?

 
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I’m typing this, fully aware of how it’s felt like nothing short of a miracle to how I’ve gotten here. It’s been the culmination of two years of work on The Confetti Project. I’ve had the chance to douse 400+ people with confetti, connecting with them on who they are and what inspires them to live. I’ve had interactions with many types of humans - women, men, babies, canines, children, millennials, grandparents, artists, entrepreneurs, best friends, you name it - with the hopes of expanding it to even more diverse populations this year. Out of everyone, some are still here, other’s aren’t. Last year, I lost my Dad. He was my best friend, confidant, benefactor, protector, once-in-a-lifetime-role model. I watched him slowly die over the span of a year - the same year I doused my first 100 people with confetti in my minimalist high-rise Brooklyn apartment that was funded by my parents. This is the first year of my life where I’ve been financially independent. Real talk: at the age of 27, I’ve never made more than 20K. It’s been intense, informative, character-building and a challenge that I would gladly take over the guilt and shame I held when my parent’s paid for my entire existence. I have this feeling that when I look back at this time in my life it’ll be my do-or-die, hustle, go-hard battlefield filled with pasta + ketchup, worn out kicks and constantly feeling like I’m just getting by. But I love it. I found that once you get comfortable being uncomfortable, everything opens up. Being frugal ends up not being about money but about discipline in living the most full-filling life on the least amount of means. Being entrepreneurial ends up not being about living a trendy lifestyle but about taking daily risks because you believe in your vision with infinite conviction. Being human ends up not being about how much money you can make or social media likes you can garner but about finding and living in your definite purpose as to why you’re here on earth. For me, the process of losing a parent woke me up to my own purpose where I am on a constant mission of adventure, storytelling and impact while in service to humanity, creativity and kindness to myself and others. Pause: what’s yours? Please: mentally or literally write the first sentence that comes to mind for you. 

 
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When my Dad was alive, I lived in a bubble and that financial padding allowed me to start this project (I mean, who has the luxury these days to begin a photography challenge where all they do is focus on that for three months?!) and begin my journey as an entrepreneurial artist. Since then, I’ve questioned this work more than a dozen times when the dominating thoughts in my mind are filled with doubt and insecurity. I’m not going to sugarcoat the struggles that come when you’re doing something outside of the box, especially when your work is so inextricably linked with your personal life as I hold a lot of space for others. But I’m making something out of nothing and that’s miracle work in my eyes. And, it’s. suppose. to. be hard. This is a reminder I have to tell myself almost weekly. At this point, I feel so far down this path that even though I’ve felt like a loser 80% of the time - especially when I look at my bank account and LinkedIn profile - I know deep down that I’m doing what I should be doing in this moment. So when opportunities crossed my path this summer and I debuted The Confetti Project in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, it felt good to get some validation that I’m not this eccentric-creative-bohemian-lady throwing sparkle on people and that the seemingly simple work I do has the power to evoke confidence, courage, surrender and love. Tomorrow, I’m moving into a small, new studio with high ceilings and natural light. Next month I’ll be doing another pop-up with Artists & Fleas at their new Soho location. This week a round of e-mails go out to the first tier of acquisition targets for the patented confetti cork (think: poppin' bottles, poppin' confetti). I’m nearly done writing the Cancer&Confetti story. Maybe jumping into more speaking gigs. 13: my lucky number and the record number of pounds of confetti I’ve worked with at one time. 

 
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The point: everything is happening and I have no idea what will come of it but it all feels wild-vivacious-scary-playful-adventurous-all-of-the-above-on-repeat-times-forever. I feel like I’m not living in a bubble anymore but that I’m feeling extra now and there’s no better reminder to your aliveness than that. I hope this philosophical rant has done an adequate job at setting the tone for what this behind-the-scenes space will entail - where’s it’s a little bit of entrepreneurship, a dash of creativity, a lot of honesty all sprinkled with inspiration + positivity. Because the more we embrace our suffering and adversity as opportunities for learning and self-development, the more we can fully tap into living a limitless existence. At the end of the day, all we can do is try to seek some sort of joy even in the intense and challenging moments. As la-dee-da as it sounds, it all comes down to love or fear. Which space are you channeling all of your actions, thoughts and behaviors? And, a slight reminder: none of us are getting out of this alive so how are you going to fully embody every day that you’re given? This is the self- journey I have been on this past year where the constant reminder of my mortality makes me want to explode with vivacity at any and every moment. A new motto: it's all good even when it's not because I'm here. So, thank you for being on this journey with me. Let’s make some magic✨ 

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